High And Dry
by Opulentia
Summary: He was just out of reach on an emotional plane.


**Note: The characters in this story do not belong to me. Cover picture's from the anime. Also, I realize that this idea has been done before, so in advance, I apologize for anything that might seem similar to other stories of the same nature. And lastly, ugh, honorifics, but it had to be done. I don't want to ruin Nitori's speech pattern by omitting them.**

* * *

Nitori Aiichiro wasn't a scaredy cat, but he definitely did not like the idea of visiting a grave. He found the idea of being surrounded by corpses to be creepy, even though he knew that there was no way they could possibly hurt him. As a living being, the grey-haired male was not comfortable with being so close to Death, but this was not a matter of yes or no. No, this was not even a matter that needed debating. It was a choice that he would have to make, because Rin had decided to let him come along.

Rin, who over the years, had not revealed so much as a sliver of information about what had happened years ago in his childhood. The guy who always guarded his feelings and intentions. The boy who was just out of reach on an emotional plane.

And yet, on a mild April morning, he had decided to wake Nitori up early to go with him to the grave. It was a bare murmur, but it was loud enough for Nitori.

"Let's go."

There was no need for questions in that moment. The younger male got dressed and they headed out without another word.

* * *

The grass was still covered in dew, as the two trudged to their destination. Sparkling faintly under the rising sun, they looked fresh and full of life. Nitori noted the irony of their situation, before fixing his gaze on Rin's back. Once again, the older male was just a few steps ahead of him. He didn't know whether to feel awed or saddened. Would he ever reach Rin's level? Could he ever look at him eye-to-eye, without having to raise his head? The thoughts circled his mind tauntingly, like the seagulls that had risen early to fish for food.

"Hey, Matsuoka-senpai..." His voice was faint.

"...yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"What is it?" Rin stopped in his tracks and looked back.

Flustered, Nitori took a step back. "N-nothing, never mind!" He waved his hands, as if in resignation.

But the battle had only started, for Rin persisted. "If you have something to ask, then ask." Slight irritation laced his words.

"Well..."

"Well, what?"

"I..."

"Go on..."

"...was just wondering why..."

"...why I brought you along? Is that it?"

"Um, yes."

The red-haired male sighed. A few sharp teeth showed though his lips. They looked as white as bones to Nitori. "Can we get there, before I tell you?"

Though he didn't know why Rin couldn't just tell him right now, Nitori agreed to his request. "All right."

The two started on their way again; Rin ahead, with Nitori trailing behind. In their second attempt, they made it all the way to the Matsuoka family grave.

* * *

In the light of the morning sun, the graves did not look scary at all. Nitori's clear blue eyes gazed at the pale grey stones. Beneath his feet, lay someone who used to be dear to Rin. The notion struck him as cold, but it was technically true.

"Nitori."

"Yes, Matsuoka-senpai?"

"What do you think about this place?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"How do you feel right now?" Rin's eyes were fixed on the younger male, carefully gauging his expression.

"...oh, well, I feel..." A feeling of anxiety was building up in Nitori. What was he supposed to say? What was right to say in this situation? "I feel..."

Rin waited patiently.

"I feel out of place." The words came out before Nitori could even consider the thought. "Like I don't belong here. I guess, if I had to put it in words… a lonely feeling?"

The red-haired male nodded, understanding all too well. "...that's basically how I felt when I first came up here."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, my old man's here, but that doesn't mean I'm supposed to be, right?" His eyes had a dull, subdued gleam, as he spoke. "Even now, when I come here, the place still puts me on edge. So many memories buried underneath the ground… and people that just vanished." His fists clenched. "Makes you wonder why we even bother to try to live, when we have such a short amount of time."

Nitori felt a sharp pain in his throat. He choked the feeling back down. It thrashed in his stomach, twisting his innards restlessly. "But Matsuoka-senpai…" murmured the grey-haired male. "…isn't that what it's all about?"

From his place beside the grave, the older male glanced away from Nitori. He looked at the stone, as if it held the answer.

"To live in the moment… I think that's what we're supposed to do. Because unlike the rest of the living things in the world, we weren't given a purpose or a way." The morning breeze ruffled his bangs. Overhead, the birds soared. "It might be difficult, and it might seem impossible, but that's why we spend our lives looking for it, to find our way."

"…and what if your life ends early? Before you can find your way?" There was no sarcasm or annoyance in his tone, only wonder.

"Then, your loved ones will find it." He smiled warmly. "Isn't that what you're doing, Matsuoka-senpai?"

"Ah." A faint hint of a smile played on Rin's lips. "Yeah."

* * *

Nitori did not know how Rin had time to buy incense, but he did. The thin sticks released a strong smell, as their scent was carried by the wind. The gray-haired male stood a few feet away while his upperclassman paid his prayers.

_I should too. _Closing his eyes, Nitori put his hands together and concentrated. His mind emptied of stray thoughts until he arrived at the one he wanted to convey. The thought of gratitude.

_Thank you. _

He opened his eyes, and hoped that the message would get across the span of life and death.

* * *

"Um, Matsuoka-senpai."

"Yeah?"

The two were returning back to the dorm. Mid-morning was approaching by the way the sky was turning blue. Rin noted that it oddly reflected the color of Nitori's eyes. He didn't know why he hadn't noticed until now.

"You never told me the reason why you brought me along," he said uneasily. The younger male could barely meet Rin's stare. It was strangely intense.

Rin didn't notice. "Really?" he asked, rather absent-mindedly.

"Yeah."

"Huh."

"So..." Nitori looked down at his twiddling fingers. He wished that he would just be honest without the need for him to ask.

"I brought you there because I thought you could help me."

The gray-haired male's head shot up. His eyes sparkled vibrantly. "Matsuoka-senpai..."

Rin looked away, startled. _He could rival the heavens with that color. _The thought struck a funny chord inside him. He didn't want to know where it came from. Rubbing the back of his neck, he said, "Come on. We'll be late to practice."

"Wait! But-"

"No buts. We're going." The red-haired male started walking without him.

'Matsuoka-senpai…"

"And keep what I said to you between us."

Nitori blinked.

"…okay," he said, as he finally closed the distance between them.

* * *

**Note: I wonder how Nitori functioned before he met Rin. **


End file.
